Flash Back

Last night we went to the department store in search of a bathing suit for me.  We are leaving on a Caribbean cruise in two weeks and the only swim suits I have are the non-exciting Speedo ones that Costco sells for $20.  At this point I have lost about 20 pounds and am feeling a bit better about myself.  I've already gotten rid a lot of clothing that is just too big.  I want to celebrate by having a swimsuit that it a bit cuter.  So, we head to the mall.  My patient husband is willing to brave the mall to help me find a swim suit when I know how much he would rather being doing just about anything else.  But, he knows how much this means to me.  I pick out a couple of swim suits and a couple of dresses.  We go into the fitting room and he gives me feedback on what I am trying on - well, he basically agress with whatever I say.  Dress number one (size 16) too big!  Dress number two (size 16) too big!  Dress number three (size 14) just right!  Am I happy being a size 14?  Not really, but I am happy that the size change is going in the right direction.  I then move on to swim suits.  I didn't find what I wanted, but not because I couldn't fit into anything, but because the styles weren't right.  While standing in the dressing room trying these items on, I had a flash back.  A year or so earlier we were in the exact same dressing room trying to find things for me to wear to Hawaii for my 40th birthday.  I was miserable, near tears, and so unhappy with myself.  A year ago nothing fit, or at least nothing I wanted to wear.  I had to opt for something that felt like wearing a nightgown.  What a difference!  Chad and I talked about the difference between this shopping trip and the one the previous year.  Funny thing is that he is my rock in all of this.  He is so proud of my weight loss, but his support hasn't waivered.  When trying things on and being upset the previous year he just tried to bolster my confidence in myself.  He never added to the disappointment I already felt in myself.  Last night, in that exact same dressing room, nothing in regards to Chad's attitude towards me had changed.  He praised me for the positive (weight loss) and supported me with the negative (still a size 14).
This morning I met with my therapist who I have been seeing off and on for about 3 years.  I knew going into this whole thing that I would need someone to help me reevaluate each step of this journey.  Chad is wonderful, but it's not fair to heap all of it on him.  I relayed the dressing room story to her and she got the biggest smile on her face.  "I love how you and Chad communicate," she told me.  "I see couples all day long, all week long, and not many would talk about the things you do and share together the things you do."  "In fact," she said, "I don't know any wives who would feel comfortable taking their husbands bathing suit shopping."  When it comes down to it, part of my success so far has come from knowing I have a husband who loves me at any size and it's not me getting down to a size 2 that will make him happy, it's me reaching whatever goal I have put in front of me to reach.